


Insta-Grow

by larxenethefirefly



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larxenethefirefly/pseuds/larxenethefirefly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time Lords have this trick...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insta-Grow

**Author's Note:**

> This little idea occurred to me when my mother and I were discussing one of the palms in our yard. As soon as I thought of it, I just had to write it. Unbeta'ed, so all errors are mine. This was also written very, very quickly, so there is practically no plot to speak of.
> 
> * * *

Rose should have known that something was bound to go wrong after a trip with absolutely no trouble.

Not that they always found trouble; some trips really were peaceful. But a week? A week with no running, evil dictators, slave gangs, wars, alien invasions, or even a food poisoning (accidental or intentional)?

Yeah, something was bound to happen.

It just didn’t happen in quite the way she expected it to.

Ergo, not at all.

She could handle the running with finesse. Bring an evil dictator from his throne with style. Bust a slave gang with grace. End wars with dignity. Prevent alien invasions with brilliance. Survive food poisonings with good humor.

But what she got, instead, made all these look like child’s play.

Rose had spent most of the morning shopping as the Doctor got the TARDIS ready for travel after their week’s hiatus. The beginning of the week had been spent in bed, the second half exploring the remote island of the resort. Rose wanted to get a souvenir for the memory, and a gift for her mum and Mickey. Bags looped over her arms and bundles cradled protectively to her chest, she had entered the TARDIS all smiles, ready for their next adventure (as soon as her new possessions were safely put away).

The Doctor wasn’t in the control room, which was odd, but Rose shrugged and moved to their bedroom. He wasn’t there, either, which meant he was in the library or kitchen. The lack of good smells removed the kitchen from that list immediately, so after putting her things by the bed to be unpacked later, she went to the library.

He was sprawled out on one of the sofas with his back to her, perilously close to the edge of the pool, one hand idly stirring the water as the other held a book. She looked at the cover- some dull scientific journal from the last planet they had visited- and decided that there were better things to do than read.

Namely, a repeat of the actions that had kept them in the bedroom for a better part of a week.

Rose smirked and began to shed her clothing, glad she had worn one of her sexier pairs of underwear after all. He hadn’t noticed, instead turning the page, gaze riveted on whatever experiment was being described. Once naked save for her bra and knickers, Rose undid her ponytail and carefully fluffed her hair, before sashaying over to the sofa and leaning over the arm. “I’ve got a gift for you,” she purred into his ear.

“You do?” he asked, nonchalantly, turning the page again. Since he wasn’t speed-reading, she assumed he must really have been bored.

“Yes. Want to see it?”

The Doctor slid one finger between the pages to mark his spot before he rotated, peering at her above his glasses. He looked at her for a moment, before asking, “What is it?”

Rose blinked, frowning slightly. “I’m wearing it.”

“That’s nice.” He turned back to his journal.

For a moment, Rose stared in disbelief, then in growing uncertainty. Was he already starting to regret breaking his so-called ‘rules?’ Did she do something wrong? Had she not been good enough, said something that made him remember why he had held off for so long in the first place?

Rose gnawed on her bottom lip as she picked up her clothing, turning red in embarrassment. “Right. I’ll just… go unpack.”

She was at the door when he called out, “Rose.”

Hesitantly, she looked over her shoulder. He was sitting up, and as she watched he moved the sofa away from the pool edge and held out his hand. She walked over slowly, clutching her clothing in front of her like a shield.

“I’m not going to bite,” He said, and pulled her down on the sofa with him.

Rose fiddled awkwardly with her clothing, debating on whether or not she should get dressed again. He solved her problem by speaking. “I think I should apologize,”

“For what?” Her mouth was dry. If he said anything about this past week...

“I… forgot that this was a side-effect.” He frowned, running a hand through his hair. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this, and I’ve never actually been in a relationship with a companion before, so it slipped my mind.”

“What did?”

She was genuinely curious; he seemed almost nervous.

He stood, placing the journal on the floor by the sofa. “I think it’s best to show you.” Quickly, clinically, he took off his trousers and pants, and Rose was left to stare at… nothing.

Where there had been several pieces of male anatomy, a piece of unadorned, smooth skin remained.

At her look, he continued. “Time Lords have this trick. Whenever we get bored with the current model, we have the option of removing it, and growing a new one. Takes between a day and a week, but during that time I’m rather…. Sexually challenged, you could say. I simply can’t find the desire to be aroused.”

“Your…. Your… you have no…” she stammered.

He gave her that look that indicated she had dribbled down her shirt. “Alien, Rose.”

“But… why?”

He shrugged. “Like I said, I got bored with the current- well, past- model. I got to thinking while you were gone-“

“A dangerous thing,” she muttered.

“-and I thought ‘hey, why not spice things up a little, surprise her when we have sex again?’ I forgot that I hadn’t mentioned this to you, and well…” he shrugged.

Now over her shock, Rose asked, “So you can grow a new one? Like a lizard?”

He scoffed at her. “I’m hardly a lizard, but it’s the same basic idea. Unlike a lizard, though, I can control how this one looks like; I can make it bigger, or smaller, or thicker, or skinnier. I always find myself to be a bit shortchanged in that department whenever I regenerate, so I grow a new one at some point or other.” His expression turned contemplative. “Happened frequently during my Eighth body, actually. Never my fault, mind. Controlling that process was harder than normal, so I never was quite satisfied. It only took a day so it never was time-consuming, but after try number thirty or so I gave up. Mind… there was that time it took a week…”

“What?!”

The Doctor blinked at her. “What, I never told you that story?” Rose shook her head. “Oh. Well, the King of June was angry that I was getting a bit… familiar… with his daughter. In order to protect her virtue, he… you know…” he made a chopping motion with his hands, and Rose winced in sympathy.

She watched him as he dressed himself once more. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that it wasn’t really that big of a deal. Yes, it was alien, and a bit creepy, but after seeing his hand grow back on the Sycorax ship she shouldn’t have been so surprised. So what if he could regrow sexual organs? As long as everything still worked, it would be fine.

“So what brought this on, then? Male ego, or what?”

“Nah.” He settled down on the couch beside her, draping an arm over her shoulders. She snuggled into him contentedly. “You were drifting off one night and mentioned that you would have liked to know the size of old me, if current me was anything to go by. I realized that you probably were curious, so decided that the least I could do was show you.”

Rose looked up at him, confused. “I don’t remember that.”

“I suspect not; you fell asleep shortly thereafter.”

For a moment, they sat in silence, before Rose finally asked, “Were you smaller or larger, before?”

He hummed, smiling down at her. “Why don’t you wait and see?”

/////

Two days later, the Doctor greeted her at the door of their bedroom, fully naked, all body parts intact and more than a little eager for attention. Just by looking at him Rose lamented the fact that they hadn’t started shagging earlier, but was hardly complaining when her current Doctor reminded her of how truly brilliant he was in bed (or out of it).

* * *


End file.
